that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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