it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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