If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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