She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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