you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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