I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize