Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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