considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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