he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
