bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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