Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
