Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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