I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize