that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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