Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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