we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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