I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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