Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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