Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
