Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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