i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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