Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
