I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
