My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
