oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
