I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
