I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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