My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
