I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
