i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
