kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
