this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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