Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
