Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
