OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
