all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
