i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
