woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize