my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
