You're earring is so big in my mouth
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Randomize
