Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thank you for not boning my boss.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize