I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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