Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
