we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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