i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
