weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
