It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
