Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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