swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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