I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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