thus making me awesome and them whores
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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