Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
