I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize