girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize