Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
