I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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