My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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