Sponge bath it is.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
