well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
