It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it hurts more in the daytime
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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