Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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