Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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