Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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