Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
