Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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