woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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