I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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