i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
