I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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