im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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