We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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