Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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