i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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