She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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