in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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