I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
