I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
