When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
