The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
