I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize