At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
