Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
