But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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