end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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