sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
