so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
