Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
