Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
