i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
