Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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