How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
