How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
