too bad you live with your parents still
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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