HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
