On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize