You smell like a Billy Joel song
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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