I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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