It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
