Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
