I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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