How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
