I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
