i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
