well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
