I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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