Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I want is dick and wine.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize