atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
